I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize