we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I will pee on everything he values.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
