too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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