Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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