Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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