i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
