I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
