No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
