Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
