So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize