i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
