How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
