i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
