I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
