shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
