trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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