I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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