Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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