So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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