Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
