I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
