Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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