So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize