at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
