Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
