I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
