Small penises have feelings too.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
