i need an iv and a liver transplant
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
