I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
