Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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