Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
