i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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