so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
