I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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