every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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