He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
