Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
