I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
