It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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