Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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