Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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