If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
