I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
