we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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