I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
