We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
