I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
