I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How's work?
Spinning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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