he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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