Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
