I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
