But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
