hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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