Banned from zoo.
Again?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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