I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
