you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
