I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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