I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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