if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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