it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is Oprah even human
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
