He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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