It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
