I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
