omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
