If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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