Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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