You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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