Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
